When I Go Home

by Sonya Cotton

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03:35
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about

This album is dedicated to my mother, Karen Imparato Cotton
(b. 1951 - d. 2009)

credits

released January 10, 2017

All songs written by Sonya Cotton
except Time Shows No Care - written by Sonya Cotton and Chris Kiehne
All songs orchestrated by Chris Kiehne
Produced by Chris Kiehne and Sonya Cotton
Recorded by Blake Henderson in Oakland, CA and Chris Kiehne in Towson, MD
Mixed by Blake Henderson
Mastered by Jonathan Kirchner
Cover Photograph by Ryan Muir

Performed by:
Sonya Cotton - acoustic guitar and vocals
Chris Kiehne - acoustic guitar, electric guitar, banjo, mandolin, piano, vocals
Derek Piech - upright bass, bass guitar
Patrick Campbell - drums
Mike Sempert - piano on Don't Want to Say Goodbye
Andrew Brennan - electric guitar on Lord, Bring Me Back
Leif Karlstrom - mandolin tremolos on When I Go Home
Gabe Dominguez - vocal harmonies on Lord, Bring Me Back, Rest My Head, and My Heart Lives
Kelly McFarling - vocal harmonies on Time Shows No Care, Rest My Head, and My Heart Lives

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Sonya Cotton Salt Lake City, Utah

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Track Name: War
Now that I'm home from the war
I'm a changed man from before
You ask me a riddle and you tell me a rhyme
and you wonder at the distance behind my smile

There are ghost limbs hanging
they are swollen and aching
they are sounding the siren, they are calling for mercy
but nobody is watching, nobody is listening
no one can hear your calls

Now that I'm home from the war
I don't clasp my hands together no more
You talk of the order, and your faith in a plan
and all the good that will come if you believe that it can

But I don't ask God for nothing
and I am haunted by the dimming
and I am haunted by the suffering in the eyes of the dying
but nobody is watching, nobody is listening
no one can hear your calls

And I once was like you
always looking for signs
in the shapes of the water, in the colors of the sky
But now I am sure we are here all alone
there is cold air above us and there is cold ground below

And there is no blessing
there is no protecting
there is no white light shining down from above
and nobody is watching, not a soul is listening
no one can hear your calls

Now that I'm home from the war
I'm a changed man from before
Track Name: Time Shows No Care
Our story was long
but who holds it now?
Lines have been broken
I barely hear your name spoken aloud

Time shows no care
Memories disappear
Time shows no care

For those who had hoped
I'd find blessings here
or solace in meant to be
or some kind of peace through the years:

Time shows no care
No, it don't dull despair
Time shows no care

Last night I woke
by the light of the moon
down by the river, five long years later
seeing clear and true:

Time shows no care
And you're gone forever
Time shows no care

It's lonely
Track Name: Don't Want to Say Goodbye
Strawberries in summertime
you were all in white
I ran over fields proudly to your side
you were mine
I don't want to say goodbye

The sound of your shoes in the morning
your voice there at my door
You let the air in and you open the blinds
you lay your hand in mine
oh I don't want to say goodbye

Tell me it's gonna be alright
'cause I don't want to say goodbye

California, Washington
a country in between
But I believed and you believed
you'd join me here in three years time

I don't want to say goodbye
Tell me it's just a dream
tell me it's going to be alright
tell me lies
'cause I don't want to say goodbye
Track Name: Lord, Bring Me Back
The cabin on the lake, the eastern summer heat
the sloping, winding woods and the dogs running free
the piano playing soft the old familiar tune
and there at the window, calling me home was you

One with my blood and the scent of the land
I knew where to wake, I knew how to use my hands
beholden to none and a daughter to two
there was summer and autumn, winter and spring, and you

Lord, bring me back to the life that I knew

When you first saw me and gave me a name
it was for the sound and the way that it rang
Not for the martyr and not for the saint:
a witness of torment, destined to die of heartbreak

No, this wasn't the way it was all meant to go
Our story was stolen from us years ago
Now every morning I wake feeling blue
No joy is as deep, no vision as sweet without you

Lord, bring me back to the life that I knew
Track Name: Yuba
On the banks of the Yuba River
by the water clear and warm
I beheld the rocks and the river snakes
and I swam from shore to shore

By the banks of the Yuba river
I received the dreaded call
that began the slow unwinding
of the life that I had known

From the mystery comes beauty
from the mystery comes strife
every moment at the mercy
of a force we cannot describe
But it gives and it takes our lives

Do you remember where we walked along the Delaware?
Across the bridge and through the town
along the Raritan Canal
The water was murky, the water was still
the coldest of winters upon our heels
it was not heaven but it was ours
under the autumn eastern stars

One year passed and I returned again
to the Yuba's bouldered slopes
with a heart heavy with sorrow
but a heart of stubborn hope

But in that golden land of promise
in that land so far from home
once again I heard the dreaded words
this time that you were gone

When I left the Yuba River
I was half the woman I was before
And my heart is ever weeping for
what I lost on that day by the shore
Track Name: Rest My Head
Oh, to rest my head upon your knee
Such a simple plea, and yet will never be
to once more rest my head upon your knee

The train it slows, it quickens and it slows
and I see two horses penned up in the snow
on a plot of ground with no room to turn around
what I wouldn't give to set them free
and once more rest my head upon your knee

And it's the same shape
with the same lonely heartbreak
It's the same damn road, cruel and long
it’s the same place that they ain't coming back from
But I don't want to cry or holler like a child
I just want to rest upon you for a while

I open up the paper and I read
of the plastic island ever-growing in the sea
the baby albatross dying slowly on the rocks
with a belly full of our debris
what will it take to finally let them be?
And once more rest my head upon your knee

And it's the same shape
with the same lonely heartbreak
It's the same damn road, cruel and long
it’s the same place that they ain't coming back from
But I don't want to cry or holler like a child
I just want to rest upon you for a while

I finish up my coffee and I dream
of our days in the museum in Washington, D.C.
trying just to place the memory of your face...
but the whistle blows and I get up to leave
beside me sits the cold and empty seat
where I would rest my head upon your knee

And it's the same shape
with the same lonely heartbreak
It's the same damn road, cruel and long
it’s the same place that they ain't coming back from
But I don't want to cry or holler like a child
I just want to rest upon you for a while
Track Name: My Heart Lives
My heart lives in the breathing summer nights
and my heart lives in the oak wood floor
My heart lives in the footsteps in the hall
and the gentle morning knock on my bedroom door
My heart lives in a lapis blue ring
My heart lives in the perfume sweet as spring
My heart lives in the fragments of a life
that stubbornly and painfully refuses to die

My heart lives on a placid Sherman lake
and my heart lives in a Towson yard
My heart lives in a Lambertville canal
and a house in a tree under eastern stars
My heart lives in a love so fierce and bright
My heart lives in a kitchen filled with light
My heart lives in a house overthrown
by a stranger with no reverence for what stories came before

My heart hides in the cracks in the walls
and my heart yearns for an old escape
My heart cries for the slowness of death
and the pain in the eyes and every mistake
My heart hardens every passing year
My heart has left little room for tears
My heart lives in a body turned to ash
now scattered over flowers in the old farm land
Track Name: Bloodroot
Warming weather
melting ground
fruitless hunting
swimming around and around

Dissolution of your home
of all you've loved
and all that you've known

And you are starving
and we are watching
and we don't know what to do

Oh, put the bloodroot to your chest
Please try everything you can
though we may not stand a chance

There's so much life left in you still
there is faith and there is will
And all the love inside of me
won't it lead to anything?

We need you
We need you
The world will dim without you

So put the bloodroot to your chest
Please try everything you can
though we may not stand a chance

Warming weather
I watch you drown
watch your body go into the ground
I do not want to say goodbye
Track Name: When I Go Home
The warm embrace
the sweet hello
the sweeping song on the radio
the pretty dress, the peridot, the fullest moon:
it all points back to you

The loyalty to family
the reverence for the living
the miles crossed, the honest words, the coffee brewed:
it all points back to you

And will I see you again on the day that I go home?
Will I see you again when my life here is done?
Could it be that time will bring me back to your side?
Will I see you again when I go on home?

The tearful eye
the long goodbye
the flapping wings in the open sky
the sparrow's call, the cardinal, the heron blue:
it all points back to you

And will I see you again on the day that I go home?
Will I see you again when my life here is done?
Could it be that time will bring me back to your side?
Will I see you again when I go on home?